[TD 10 Year Anniversary Commission Piece Series] Why Cruelty Is Automatic to Us by Alyssa Danielle Navarro

For Talang Dalisay’s 10th year this 2026, we are beyond thrilled to be working with commissioned writers to re-continue and contribute to our online blog space, soon turned into a physical zine. With our editor in chief Maria Nilad, and founder Macy Castañeda Lee, we feature talented Filipino writers and storytellers year round through prose, poetry, and more.

Why Cruelty is Automatic to Us

by Alyssa Danielle Navarro | edited by Maria Nilad | produced by Macy Castañeda Lee

For more than a year, I was locked up in a rehabilitation center. Whenever I had a breakdown inside that cramped space, where I lived with 130 other patients, the counselors would tell me to “stay on top” of my emotions. As though feelings were a thing to be conquered. As though telling someone to calm down would automatically grant the desired effect. No one in rehab knew how to help me deal with my breakdowns.

I’ve been out in the real world for months now. Though my life has been shaken up and transformed quite a few times, I realized that there is one constant truth that I believe in: we have to practice kindness and compassion towards ourselves and other people.

I used to believe that it was better to be intelligent than to be kind. I used to think that being soft was a weakness. For me, kindness was synonymous with stupidity, because I had a notion that being kind meant giving away your power or agency to another person. I thought it equated to being a doormat.

In a world that prioritizes meritocracy and overconsumption, forces everything to be done in an instant, turns competency as a competition, and causes the paradox of social alienation, isn’t it much more radical to be kind?

A starting point

When faced with someone who is clearly emotionally upset and is in the midst of crying, how do you react? Alternatively, if someone sends you a personal message telling you that they are not okay, do you turn them away?

I have often found myself at the mercy of people I love and trust, telling them that I am crying, that things are not okay. Most times, they do not know how to respond. Sometimes they tell me, “Don’t cry. Calm down. You have to get yourself together.” Or sometimes it’s, “I’m going through something too. I can’t handle this.”

I don’t think they mean to be cruel or indifferent, but it is their automatic response. Perhaps their replies stem from the reality that none of us were taught how to care for another without losing ourselves in the process too. Perhaps being told that one must hold oneself together is just a reminder to self-soothe.

I remember a time when I too had been cruel and cold towards the man I love. He was hurt because of something I said. I told him to stop crying instead of enveloping him in a warm embrace, which he clearly needed at that time.

I remember all the versions of myself that sobbed alone at different places: at the staircase of our apartment in Malolos, at the front steps of the College of Law building at my old university, inside my high school classroom during Araling Panlipunan class. How it felt like I was drowning and no one could save me.

What I wish to understand in this article is the idea that cruelty is not inborn or genetic. I believe that cruelty is a response that all of us are capable of giving to others simply because of the systems and structures that created it in the first place: namely, colonialism and capitalism.

Understanding the legacy of colonial violence

A week ago, I watched Park Chan-wook’s No Other Choice (2025) at UP Film Center. I was intrigued by the idea that the working class, like the movie title, had no other choice but to resort to cruelty and violence in order to survive. I am interested in the idea that our social class and status in society has a huge impact on how we treat other people: whether we see them as enemies or as people who are just plain bothersome.

In an attempt to understand why Filipinos become cruel, my editor and I thought of our ancestors’ own experiences during the Spanish colonial era. During this time, Spanish colonizers realized that they would save up so much resources if they find natives who will become complicit in their rule. (Elizalde, 2022)

At that time, the system set in place by Spanish conquistadors was called encomienda. Spanish settlers who enacted forced labor and demanded tribute or taxation from the indigenous population were called encomenderos. They were tasked to evangelize the natives, convert them to Catholicism, and protect them from internal and external conflicts. In exchange, the natives had to give them labor, gold, and agricultural products.

“In this manner, facing extensive terrain where colonial regulation was unknown, colonial authorities established a concerted partnership with leading local groups that accepted the Spanish administration.” (Elizalde, 2022, p. 241)

The rule of the encomenderos was propped up by the indigenous principalia whom they entrusted to organize work and collect fees among the natives (Elizalde, 2022).

For a time, the indigenous principalia upheld a superior position at the top of native society. Highest in rank among the indigenous principalia was the gobernadorcillo or captain, who was appointed head of every town. The gobernadorcillo enjoyed political, judicial, and economic power. They were given authority by the Spanish to control the land, distribute the workforce, organize the provision of forced labor, and charge taxes, which they could also save a part for themselves. The gobernadorcillo was exempt from taxes and were not required to provide their labor (Elizalde, 2022).

The explicit collaboration of the Spanish colonizers with the indigenous principalia built a class system where each native had a role within a hierarchy. Because limits had been established on the rights and aspirations of these natives, inequality was reinforced among the population (Elizalde, 2022).

I’d like to think that some of our ancestors kowtowed to the crown and the cross because they needed to survive. Because there had been a need to look out for one’s own family, which is in itself reinforced by feudal social relations, the indigenous principalia willingly became middlemen for the Spanish. They became tools and instruments used by the Spanish colonizers.

Unfortunately, this cruelty is tied not only to material survival, but also to their growing sense of superiority towards “indios” from lower classes. In my imagination, some of the indigenous principalia became cruel and complicit for survival, but some of them also relished the power they had over those who suffered.

Realizing the American dream

Everything changed when the Americans arrived. They bought the Philippines from Spain, and in a mock battle, pretended to fight with our Spanish colonizers. In total, this deception cost USD$20 million and led to the Philippine-American war.

When the Americans succeeded in conquering the Philippines, they intended to restructure not only our systems of governance but also our language and education. The Americans subjugated the Philippines politically, and also through our culture and our collective consciousness.

Years later, it would become common ground for colonized peoples to believe that the neoliberal economic model the United States touted as ideal would lead to upward social mobility, especially for families from the lower class.

In a paper published in the Journal of International and Intercultural Communication, researchers found that most study participants, who were children of Filipino immigrants living in the US, had some sort of tension and contradiction when it came to acknowledging the prevalence of the “American dream” and accepting their postcolonial identities.

“Assimilation into dominant U. society has been understood as a coping mechanism or a survival tactic. To better contextualize ‘survival’ here, 9 out of our 25 participants noted that their parents immigrated to the United States during the late 1970s or the 1980s to access better opportunities, upward economic mobility, and/or political freedom… Our participants then emphasized how it was necessary for their parents to move to the United States so they could be physically safe and/or be financially stable.” (Labrador et al, 2023, p. 27).

In 1991, my Lolo, who had worked as a journalist during the Martial law era in the 1980s until the dictator was deposed, uprooted his entire family to migrate and build a new life in the United States. He had been hired as a newspaperman for a Filipino periodical. My mother used to tell me stories about their life in San Diego, about how difficult everything had been for her, especially as she was supposed to be graduating from high school then.

When my Lolo the journalist got sick because of complications caused by diabetes, the whole family returned to Quezon City. After my Lolo died, my Lola went back to San Diego to work at a nursing home, taking with her two daughters out of her five children. My mama was left behind in the province.

There had been a situation when my Lola had to lead astray a dog they were living with just because they couldn’t afford to feed another mouth. Employed in the care home, my Lola and her two daughters were already living in California, so close to the American dream, but their financial status didn’t get any better.

I take this deliberate choice made by my Lola to resort to cruelty as the need to toughen up, only so that she could survive in the US with two of her children.

In the research paper I mentioned earlier, the authors emphasize the complex factors that affect the assimilation of Filipino immigrants in the US.

“Sometimes, it is easy to read immigrants’ assimilation as mere conformity, but we now know that some of them do it for survival, to mitigate discrimination, and because of internalized racism. In the process, however, some of our participants end up disavowing being Filipino and feeling self-erasure.” (Labrador et al., 2023, p. 31)

As Filipino immigrants in America practice assimilation, not only do they become participants in racialized capitalism and settler colonialism (Labrador et al, 2023), but they also become racially othered, causing some of them to lose connection to their heritage and homeland.

An antidote to cruelty

In my attempt to understand why Filipinos choose cruelty, I feel guilty that I might have been providing justification for their actions. I do not condone cruelty or complicity with our oppressors in any way, shape, or form.

What I’ve begun to understand is that due to economic survival tied to our social class and history of colonialism, we Filipinos tend to harden our hearts, grit our teeth, and try to aim first for survival before accessing kindness or empathy for ourselves and other people. It’s like we don’t have any other choice but to be cruel because if we become too soft, the world will eat us alive.

I see that in the people I love the most. The automatic response is to fix and analyze things, not to provide comforting words. Perhaps the tendency to resolve issues could be our attempt to be comforting, so that we don’t have to be physically plagued by problems anymore. Perhaps the tendency to make the problem go away is our way of easing these burdens.

However, when distress is met with indifference and dismissal, these only exacerbate a person’s psychological torment and suffering. What the person needs is a kind voice that will assure them that what they’re going through shall pass, that they shall endure and survive, that it’s okay to feel things deeply, that it’s okay to cry. What the person needs is validation that to feel pain doesn’t make them any less worthy of love or any less deserving to exist.

Cruelty is dismissive, kindness is life-affirming.

What is lost then when we are met with cruelty is the chance to acknowledge that we are not alone in our suffering. The person who is watching the emotionality unfold may also experience the same thing one day or might have even experienced it before.

What is lost is the chance for catharsis, not only for the person who is crying, but also for the one they’ve entrusted their vulnerabilities to. Each time someone shows us their scars, there is a chance to connect and see how much our lives are intertwined with each other. How things such as unemployment or being misunderstood happen not only to a single individual, but on a collective level too, that the experience is universal because there are forces that perpetuate these issues.

It is true that majority of our hours in a day are spent working. Our time to try to understand another human being is scarce. The time used up on talking to someone who is upset could have been spent on other things, like eating or commuting to work. A person who is pressed for time because they need it for their economic survival or their own personal interests won’t have time to accommodate another human being who might be deeply upset.

I think of self-help books that espouse ideas of hyper individualism and self-love. There is nothing wrong with loving oneself, but turning yourself into a lone wolf is not enough for survival, let alone living. Hence, becoming part of a community of people whom you care about and who reciprocates this same concern for your welfare and well-being is crucial. Because the existence of market competition causes us to think of everyone as an enemy or a nuisance, the best way to counter it is by practicing kindness towards yourself and other people while establishing proper boundaries.

The reality is that we don’t have enough time in a day to cater to the sufferings of other people, particularly because we are too busy dealing with our own struggles. But research published in Frontiers in Psychology has shown that kindness is powerful and essential in boosting resilience and empathy. Engaging in acts of kindness, responding with compassion to other people’s feelings, and developing trusting relationships all contribute to the improvement of one’s quality of life (Johnson, 2022).

I use the word “resilience” to mean: a person’s ability to bounce back from life-altering events. However, I don’t believe that the answer to devastating events such as the climate crisis is resilience. What I mean is that although a person still has to develop the capacity to get through life, this person will need the support of a loving community.

Kindness is the antidote to a world that forces us to be cruel. Acts of empathy and compassion are transformative in an economic system that forces us to think of other people as a nuisance, just because they are seeking out connections with us by showing their vulnerabilities.

We act with indifference and apathy most times because we are also trying our hardest to survive, but our personal suffering is not sufficient justification to treat others badly. When we admit this tendency present within ourselves, we begin to understand that community care is fundamental in making our lives better. Individualism only widens the social, political, psychological, and material rift caused by colonialism and capitalism, but collective care reduces alienation, pessimism, and even self-hatred, because you begin to feel that you are not alone.

Ultimately, it is vital to remember that the world is not centered on not just me and not just you, but that it spins continuously on the interwoven threads of the struggles of all oppressed peoples. Perhaps resistance against oppression seems like an overwhelming and grand gesture, but you don’t need to do anything performative to resist: you only need to be kind.

REFERENCES

Elizalde, M. D. (2022). Colonial Government and Social Organization in the Spanish Philippines: Interactions and Ruptures. In H.-J. BURCHARDT & J. LEINIUS (Eds.), (Post-)colonial Archipelagos: Comparing the Legacies of Spanish Colonialism in Cuba, Puerto Rico, and the Philippines (pp. 238–258). University of Michigan Press. http://www.jstor.org/stable/10.3998/mpub.11747103.18

Labador, A., & Zhang, D. (2023). The “American Dream” for Whom? Contouring Filipinos’ and Filipino/a/x Americans’ Discursive Negotiation of Postcolonial Identities. Journal of International and Intercultural Communication, 16(1), 19–35. https://doi.org/10.1080/17513057.2021.1945129

Johnson MT, Fratantoni JM, Tate K, Moran AS. Parenting With a Kind Mind: Exploring Kindness as a Potentiator for Enhanced Brain Health. Front Psychol. 2022 Mar 24;13:805748. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.805748. PMID: 35401369; PMCID: PMC8989141.

Britannica Editors (2025, October 27). encomienda. Encyclopedia Britannica. https://www.britannica.com/topic/encomienda